Prozac and Late Night Drives

People who know me probably think I'm fairly well-adjusted, but for all the external appearances of normalcy, there are a lot of things about myself that I would love to change. First and foremost, I wish I could make myself more outgoing, more social, more confident than I am. I tend to be hyperconscious, especially in uncertain social situations where I am around people I don't know very well and who don't know me either; I worry about doing or saying something stupid and giving the people I want to get to know better a reason to ignore or think poorly of me. That hyperconsciousness is manifest most in my timidity. I so often want to push beyond that timidity, to engage people in conversation, but even when I gather all the courage I have, words fail me and my brain seems incapable of finding anything worth talking about. It's frustrating beyond belief, but apparently not enough for me to drastically change.

Too often my timidity gets the best of me. Recently I have had chances to be more social - it helps that there are fewer people in my apartment complex - and yet I find ways to question myself or I let my timidity inspire cowardice or hesitance. Worse yet, if two social situations are to occur simultaneously, I've found myself choosing the situation that least facilitates the kind of personal growth I am seeking. I don't know if I am just choosing the easy way out, or if there is some definite obstacle that I need to overcome.

Anyway, whenever my timidity gets the best of me, I end up fairly upset with myself. Not raging mad or anything, just disappointed and almost resigned to a terribly lonely fate. Tonight I decided to go for a drive, even though I was tired and was fairly certain that after reading for a few minutes, I would fall fast asleep. I hit the road and set my music to shuffle. Not too far into my drive, a song by The Polyphonic Spree came on. The Polyphonic Spree are an awesome band I first started listening to one year ago. They are led by the former frontman of Tripping Daisy (another great band), and the group numbers some twenty people. They have all the usual rock instruments, but they also have horns, strings, other instruments, and a chorus of singers. With so many people involved in making music, you would expect the sound to be massive - and it is. The best way to describe their music is that it is like someone figured out how to administer Prozac aurally. Their songs are so happy and full of life that listening to them always puts a smile on my face and beckons me to sing along at the top of my lungs.

Tonight was no different. After that first song randomly played, I decided to listen to their album Fragile Army for the duration of my drive. By the time I finished driving aimlessly to Spanish Fork and back, I felt much better and found myself full of energy (explaining why I am posting this at such a late hour). Good times.

I decided to share a small dose of The Polyphonic Spree with everyone. I chose three of my favorite songs and made a downloadable mini-mix called "A Dose of Prozac," essentially the opposite of my first mix. I'm not sure if that mix helped prompt this one or not. Anyway, everyone should check it out. I vouch for this band and for the three tracks I selected. If you listen to them and they do not make you happy, check your pulse.