Baby on the way.

That's right. I've got a baby on the way. It should be here sometime next week. Here's what I imagine it will look like.

I'm pretty excited. That's all.

I'm pretty tired. Think I'll go home now.

It's only Wednesday, but I feel pretty worn out. My struggle to get out of bed and go to work this morning was epic. I think the resurgence of the cold is playing a part in that; two mornings ago there was ice on the inside of my car. It was the first time I had ever seen that. Crazy stuff. Anyway, I was going to write something more substantial today, but I'm not really feeling it.

Yesterday I left work at the absolute perfect time. I stepped outside the main doors of the company building and looked out at Squaw Peak. It was glowing pink; the snow atop the mountain was reflecting the gorgeous hue of an amazing sunset in the western sky. Mt. Timpanogas was also alight with the rays of the setting sun. I was taken aback when I looked at both peaks simultaneously, and I wished I had my camera on hand. Every once in a while I'll see something that I wish I could preserve forever. Even if I had my camera yesterday, the pictures couldn't have captured that breathtaking scene as vividly as it truly was. And now my words are failing miserably to convey the grandeur of that moment.

It's a shame that some of life's greatest experiences are the most impossible ones to share with others. How do we communicate pure emotion or transcendent experiences, which by definition go beyond the limits of perception? I remember feeling the inadequacy of words often as a missionary, and not just because I was speaking in a second language I was picking up as I went a long. Oh well, I know what I saw. I really didn't mean to go off on this tangent.

I worked ten hours today. Crazy, I know. I did it because I left work Monday a little early to catch a matinee, and I plan on doing the same thing tomorrow. I'm pretty committed to seeing every film nominated for the Best Picture Oscar before the Academy Awards air. I've been successful in doing that the last two years, and I don't see why I can't accomplish it this year. Most of the five films have either just arrived in Provo or will in the upcoming weeks, and they're all coming out at the same time so I have to scramble to catch them all. Not that I mind much, only when I have to drive up to Salt Lake to catch a film I really want to see at the Broadway Theater (the only independent theater nearby) because none of the theaters in Provo will air films that the masses (i.e. escapist and less than enlightened viewers) won't pay to see. Yes, I am a movie snob, but in my defense, I do know a little bit about film and narratives and all that.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. The Bricks, the intramural basketball team I play on, has its second game this Friday at 6 p.m., and I'm hoping we fare as well as we did in our first game. Saturday morning I get to drive to Vernal (2.5 hours from Vernal), attend one of my best friend's wedding reception later that afternoon, and then drive back to Provo for much anticipated additional festivities that night. It should be a good weekend. Nothing like having 5 hours in a car by myself to rock out and think about life and all that.

I have no more thoughts to share at this time.

Best Songs of 2008 Mix

I forgot to mention in my post earlier today that the two-part mix of my favorite songs of 2008 is available for download. They are not arranged in any particular order, other than alphabetically. I hope that those of you who actually download these songs enjoy them as much as I have.

Best Songs of 2008 - Part 1

Best Songs of 2008 - Part 2

Also, before I close this post, I just want to announce my intention to write more about music. I know that at least a couple of people who read this blog have put my uploaded mixes to good use and appreciate them. Therefore, I will continue to share my passion for music with all you fine readers of my shoddy blog.

Artist/band up next: Andrew Bird

I am open to requests also, either for particular artists or genres or themes or whatever. Peace.

I believe in This I Believe.

Midway through this past week, I was feeling down. Not terribly depressed or anything, just somewhat disheartened and disappointed. Things I had hoped would happen didn't, and, as I previously blogged, BYU's men's basketball team lost to UNLV in a disheartening fashion. I was at work Thursday with this sour mood, hoping for time to speed up, trying to find something, anything to ease my disappointment. I was listening to NPR online, and I saw a link on my playlist to the latest installment of a series called This I Believe. The series asks people, just everyday, normal people, to put what they believe into 300 words or less. I'd heard a couple of these essays read on the air in the past few months, but lately, I hadn't been tuning in at the right time to hear the most recent essays. I clicked on the link to listen to seven-year-old Tarak McLain's list of thirty things he believes in. As I listened to Tarak's list of simple yet profound beliefs, I was moved by his innocence and goodness. "Out of the mouth of babes," right?

I felt a sort of emotional rebirth at that moment, nothing drastic or life-altering, mostly a peaceful cleansing of my disappointment and discouragement. My admittedly trivial concerns began to fade, and I realized there is too much goodness in this world to focus on the bad. Not that I should ignore the bad or deny its reality, but that my attitude towards it should change. Sure, some things didn't work out the way I wanted, but rather than let that bring me down I should use it as motivation to make things happen in the future.

Too often I let the ups and downs of day-to-day life distract me from my long term optimism that everything will work out well in the end. It's hard for me to keep everything in the proper perspective when the problems and difficulties of the present are so present. I struggle to see the development and growth of personal improvement because those changes occur slowly over time, not immediately or from one moment to the next. Yet, I feel that those changes are taking place, that I am in a good position with room for a lot of improvement. I am pleased with who I am and who I feel I'm becoming, and I need to cling to that self-acceptance in order to continue my personal growth.

And all this because of a child's simple and pure hearted declaration of his beliefs. After listening to Tarak, I found many more essays to listen to. I even went to Borders and purchased the book, This I Believe II: More Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women --- but only because I couldn't find the first book. Each essay I have since listened to or read has been full of important truths. Perhaps even more importantly, each essay has given me a glimpse into another human being's understanding. Writing what you believe in 300 words cannot be easy, and it forces you to get to the very core of your beliefs. There can be nothing extraneous in such a declaration; every word is an important part of that person's soul.

These essays have expanded my empathy and understanding. You can't help but feel your estimation of humanity being raised as you read or listen to these essays. These are normal people who struggle with normal issues, but they each have important insight into the human condition, as clarified through their personal experiences. Sometimes I think we allow all the terrible things going on in our world to distract us from the common humanity that can and should unite us all. We all struggle with grief and heartache; we all yearn to love and be loved, to serve one another; we all feel a need to connect to something greater than ourselves, be it God, our nation or community, or just our families.

These remarkable ordinary people share the things closest to their hearts, and they have found their way into my heart. I don't know any of these people. I recognize the names of some of the more prominent figures who choose to share, but they will likely all remain unknown to me --- and yet, in some profound sense, I do know them. They are the people I interact with on a daily basis. They are the people I silently pass in the grocery store, the people at work I have yet to meet, and they are each and every face I will see in my lifetime.

They are you, and they are me.

I encourage everyone to visit the This I Believe website and listen to the available essays --- they are well worth it. There is an online database with many, many more essays that I have yet to check out, but I'm sure that most of those essays are just as worthwhile. Kudos to NPR for providing this awesome service. I now feel a desire to write and submit an essay to This I Believe, but I'm not sure exactly what to write about. I've been giving this quite a lot of thought lately, and I hope to write something this week. I encourage everyone who reads this, especially those who blog, to take the challenge and write your own 300 word essay about what you believe. We bloggers could all post ours on our individual blogs, and I think it'd be an awesome way to get to know one another better. Just a thought.

Well, I've got a few more essays to read.

Saturday morning but no cartoons for me.

It is Saturday morning, and I am up bright and early and not loving it. Instead of sleeping in and recuping lost sleep from last weekend's craziness, I had to wake up at 8 a.m. to clean my oven and bedroom for cleaning checks. It's that time of the month.

This maketh me not happy.

I was enjoying a deep slumber and an interesting dream when my alarm went off. Alas, it was time to clean. After my Friday night unceremoniously vanished into the eternal nothing of the past, this seems like an appropriate start to what will likely be a forgettable Saturday. I've got no real plans other than playing basketball this afternoon (which will be good because I need to keep playing to improve my shot and get in better shape) and possibly attending the BYU basketball game versus San Diego State.

I wish I had more on my plate, I really do. Unremarkable weekends make the tedium of the work week all the worse. Who knows? Maybe something awesome will happen. I can always hope.

Flaming Pigs on Fire Reunion Tour - Winter '09

So I'm pretty bummed right now, mainly but not strictly because of BYU's poor performance against UNLV tonight. I hate losing in any way, shape, or form. I'm competitive to a fault, I suppose, but I cannot stand losing. It puts me in a terrible mood and leaves me wanting only revenge.

I've got a few things stewing in my head right now, and they will (hopefully) make their way to this blog eventually. For the time being, I am going to take a little time to report on the festivities of my three-day weekend. It was a very good weekend. My brother Mike and I drove down to Cedar City on Saturday afternoon. Our final destination was the home of my best friend, Justin Betts. Justin's older brother, Bryan, and his wife, Ashley, had also made the trip down to Justin's, and it was good to hang out with them all weekend. I find it awesome how well my family and the Betts family get along. We are all friends and have a lot of fun whenever we get together. This weekend was no different.

The purpose of this little gathering was to participate in a reunion tour on Rock Band. Justin, Bryan, and I formed a band one night in November. Our band was named Flaming Pigs on Fire, an homage to the large tattoo on the chest of Christachio, the character I created on Rock Band. That night we ended up playing for at least six hours straight. The time flew by and we only felt tired once we stopped rocking out and time caught up with us.

We all wanted another Flaming Pigs on Fire gathering, and this was the perfect weekend for it. I won't really go into too much depth about the reunion tour, but I will say that we played a crazy amount of time, something like 23 hours between Saturday at 6 p.m. and Monday at 2 a.m. It was incredibly fun. I love rocking out and was perfectly content spending my weekend that way with great friends. Our band is pretty amazing, I gotta say.

I am definitely feeling the effects of the sleep deprivation, but it was worth it. Our fatigue even helped us have an awesome conversation about Mark Wahlberg, The Happening, wind direction change, math, and K-Fed (among many, many other things). All in all, it was a weekend worth remembering.

We googled "flaming pigs on fire" and learned that our band name has awesome historical relevance. Apparently the Romans would set herds of pigs on fire and let them loose amongst enemy elephants, creating chaos and mayhem. Seems like a pretty good description of our band, if you ask me. Who knows when the next reunion tour will take place, but when it does, I assure you there will be rocking and rolling --- as much as is humanly possible with fake instruments.

The Best of 2008

Best of 2008

Well, it’s taken some time, but I have finally compiled my Best of 2008 lists. It was an interesting year, not the best of times nor the worst of times. All in all, it was a good year. I really can’t complain. Anyway, here are the lists.

Books

Best Books Read in 2008 (I’m not literate enough to have read enough books published in 2008):

• The Road – Cormac McCarthy
  This is an amazing book, alternately bleak and sublime. I found it gripping and read it less than two days. I’m eagerly anticipating the film release later this year.
  
  
• Leaping: Revelations and Epiphanies – Brian Doyle
  I’d always enjoyed personal essays, but it wasn’t until I took a Creative Nonfiction Writing class in the beginning of the year that I truly came to love the form. Brian Doyle is an amazing essayist, and this collection of essays ought to be read by everyone.
  
  
• The Book Thief – Markus Zusak
  This was the second selection read by The Book Club this summer, and it really impressed me. It has a unique style, a brilliant choice of a narrator, and an interesting story with compelling characters. Its haunting and unforgettable imaginary will remain with you for a very long time.
  
  
• Watchmen – Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
  I had often seen this graphic novel listed as a must-read on the internet, and I even saw it was on Time’s list of most important novels of the last half of the 20th century. It is definitely not a children’s comic. Great graphics and a very unique take on the superhero narrative. It’s both innovative and completely entertaining.
  
  
• The Diving Bell and the Butterfly – Jean-Dominique Bauby
  This is a book that I appreciated much more once I saw the film – I wholly recommend the 2007 film of the same name, directed by Julian Schnabel. Schnabel’s film is spectacular. His background as a painter allowed him to make a film as visually compelling as the narrative it’s telling. And the film, and book, tell a remarkable narrative. It’s the story of a wealthy and successful French businessman who has a massive stroke and is almost completely paralyzed. He can move only his left eyelid and eventually learns a code that allows him to blink and dictate words. This book is his autobiography, a testament to the strength and capacity of the human spirit. Read the book and watch the movie soon after.

Film

Best Films of 2008 That I Actually Saw in 2008:

• WALL-E
  This was the first movie to really move me this year, and it is still my favorite film of the year. I blogged about the film, and I really can’t say much more about this masterpiece. I thought Pixar had achieved greatness with Ratatouille, but WALL-E just set the bar even higher. I suspect part of my love for this film comes from my love for silent comedies, especially those of Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton. WALL-E, the character, reminded me of a robotic Charlie Chaplin, and nothing that makes me think of that could ever be anything but amazing. This story about love and companionship still moves me every time I see it. Seeing it in the theater for the first time was a transcendent experience.
  
  
• The Dark Knight
  The rest of the films in this list aren’t in any particular order. TDK was definitely the best superhero movie ever produced. It was dark and serious and relevant at all times. Heath Ledger, of course, was brilliant as the Joker. In fact, his performance was so perfect that it got distracting for me. When the Joker wasn’t on screen, I got impatient for him to return. Ledger’s impeccable performance completely overshadows all the other fine actors in this film. If anything, he was too good for the film. I know people thought Daniel Day Lewis’s performance in There Will Be Blood was so good that it detracted from the overall film. Nonetheless, I wouldn’t have those roles portrayed any other way. Brilliance like Ledger’s Joker is rare and should be appreciated whenever we come across it.
  
  
• Young @ Heart
  I just blogged about this film, and my thoughts concerning it remain the same. This is an amazing documentary that everyone should see.
  
  
• The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
  Another film I recently blogged about. No other film is as visually spectacular this year, that’s for sure. Technical brilliance and very good acting aside, I wish there were just a little more substance to the story. Oh yeah, I can’t forget the overpowering melancholy this film produced in me. Still, it is a beautiful and ambitious film that stands out from most of the other films released in 2008.
  
  
• Rachel Getting Married
  Most people have likely not heard about this independent movie. It’s just as well because I doubt most people would enjoy it. This is a very rough film, what they call a slice-of-life film that strives to portray life as it actually is. That’s not to say it’s a documentary, but it wants viewers to feel connected to the characters and plot as if they were 100% real. Anne Hathaway gives an amazing performance as a former-druggie out of rehab for her sister’s wedding. The film focuses on human, particularly familial, relationships, and it doesn’t gloss over the difficulties found in those relationships. The film doesn’t sentimentalize or minimize the heavy emotional reality of the film. I thought it was a very powerful character study with amazing acting all around.
  
  
  Honorable mention(s): Happy-Go-Lucky, Cloverfield, and Iron Man

Music

I need to preface these next lists by saying that they were by far the most difficult lists for me to compile. I am an avid music fan. I’m constantly searching for the best new music while still appreciating everything I already love, and it can be difficult to keep up in our technological era. There is so much music being created, and it is more accessible than ever before. Used to be I’d have to drive three hours from Vernal to Salt Lake to find a decent record store to buy an album I wanted. Now, there’s the internet. There was a lot of good music this year, a lot of songs I really, really enjoyed; there were, however, not many albums that really stood out to me. It just wasn’t a big album year for me, not like last year where a bunch of my favorite bands released very good albums (Radiohead, Spoon, The National, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, etc). This year’s list isn’t as definitive or indicative of my music tastes. That is why I decided to include a comprehensive list of my favorite songs of the year, and I plan on soon uploading a mix with those very songs.

Best Albums of 2008:

• Cut Copy – In Ghost Colours
  I played this album a lot this year, especially during the first six months of the year. It’s very danceable and always has great grooves. I’ve found that I much prefer dance music with strong vocal takes and (at least) decent lyrics, unlike the more techno-ish stuff that doesn’t really care about the words, and while Cut Copy may not write the best lyrics, the vocals are an integral part of their music. This is a really strong album with good pacing, and the powerhouse tracks are spread throughout the entire album, making it easy to listen to the whole thing over and over. And yes, they will make you shake your groovethang.
  
  
• Okkervil River – The Stand-Ins
  Okkervil River, a rock band fronted by singer-songwriter Will Sheff, has been gradually moving up into my list of favorite bands since I was first introduced to them in late-2005. I’ve been very impressed the two times I saw them perform, most recently at Lollapalooza last summer, and they put on very high-energy, impassioned shows that are fun to experience. The Stand-Ins is a great album, and there are no bad songs on it. This band has a very impressive track record actually; I can’t think of a song I don’t like from their last three albums. Most of these songs are fairly up tempo, with a good mix of instruments. What impresses me most with this band is how articulate Sheff is. I heard an interview with him on NPR, and the guy is very clearly intelligent. Sometimes you can have smart guys in bands and not know it, but a close inspection of Sheff’s lyrics is all the proof you need that he has got plenty going on in his brain. I really can’t say anything bad about this band.
  
  
• Spiritualized – Songs in A&E
  The final three albums weren’t as clear cut as the above two. This album by Spiritualized has a huge sound. Though it feels so expansive and the instrumentation is so rich, it’s also very intimate and personal. The singer nearly died of an illness while recording this album, and the lyrics often reflect on life and death, love and loss. I feel like I need to spend more time with this album, but the time I spent with it was enough for it to make this list so I guess that’s a good sign.
  
  
• Fleet Foxes – Ragged Wood
  I came upon this album late in the year, and I really wish I had found it sooner. You know how some albums evoke a certain vibe that coincides with certain times of year? This is definitely an autumn album for me. There are a lot of great harmonies that I wish I could have listened to while driving through the mountains with my windows down when the leaves were turning. Even though I missed that opportunity, this album is still pretty great. The songs are lush and beautiful, and I’m sure I’ll turn to this album this upcoming autumn.
  
  
• Hercules and Love Affair – self titled
  I came across this album even later than the Fleet Foxes’ album, but my time with it has convinced me of its greatness. This is another album that makes me groove with reckless abandon. Like the Cut Copy album, Hercules and Love Affair makes great use of vocals in their songs. The lyrics might not be as catchy, but the arrangement and production more than make up for it. This album has the best use of horns in dance music that I have ever heard, or at least can remember at the current time. There are some tracks on this album that will definitely be played the next time I spontaneously start dancing up Hobble Creek Canyon late at night.

Favorite Songs of 2008:

• “Great DJ” – The Ting Tings
  This is catchier than any infectious disease, and you’ll be happy you caught it. I could not get this song out of my head this summer. Definitely the standout track on their decent debut album. I look forward to listening to this band’s future output.
  
  
• “Sleep” – The Wrens
  I really can’t convey how happy I was to come across this track by my unequivocal favorite band. It’s really a beautiful track best listened to with good headphones at night. It’s pretty different from most of the Wrens’ music, but it is undeniably great. I love when the rest of the band comes in and joins the vocals and piano.
  
  
• “Hearts on Fire” – Cut Copy
  This is my favorite track on Cut Copy’s album, and I dare you to not dance or sway or bob your head or tap your foot while listening to it.
  
  
• “Nobody Lost, Nobody Found” – Cut Copy
  Second favorite cut from that album.
  
  
• “Red and Purple” – The Dodos
  This is a great song from a band I need to listen to more. They put out a very promising and assured debut album. This is the best track from it, in my opinion.
  
  
• “White Winter Hymnal” – Fleet Foxes
  The best track from the Fleet Foxes. Love the harmonies.
  
  
• “Cassius” – Foals
  This is another band with a lot of potential. They put on a really good show at Lollapalooza also. This track rocks.
  
  
• “Hercules’ Theme” – Hercules and Love Affair
  I love the trumpet in this song. Pretty amazing, groovy stuff.
  
  
• “Blind” – Hercules and Love AffairAnother awesome song that makes me groove.
  
  
• “Cheap and Cheerful” – The Kills
  This lean little ditty features a fine lady singing, “I want you to be crazy cuz you’re stupid, baby, when you’re sane.” How can I resist that?
  
  
• “Just Dance” – Lady Gaga
  Very mainstream choice, I know, but I love the vocals during the bridge. One of my favorite moments in a song this year.
  
  
• “Ways to Make It Through the Wall” – Los Campesinos!
  I first heard this on NPR, and while I haven’t come to like the rest of their album like I do this track, this is a solid, raucous rock song.
  
  
• “I’m Good, I’m Gone” – Lykke Li
  Swedish pop is good stuff. This song has an absolutely great chorus that hooked me instantly.
  
  
• “Lost Coastlines” – Okkervil River
  I think this amazing song speaks for itself.
  
  
• “Blue Tulip” – Okkervil River
  As does this one. This song has another of my favorite moments in a song at the 4:15 mark.
  
  
• “Dying is Fine” – Ra Ra Riot
  Another relative late-comer I first heard on NPR, this is just a very solid song.
  
  
• “I Thought I Saw Your Face Today” – She & Him
  When I first heard this song by the incredibly lovely Zooey Deschanel and the talented M. Ward, I must have listened to it some ten times in a row. It’s simple and reminiscent of simpler times, and I can’t help but be enchanted by it.
  
  
• “Inni mer syngur vitleysingur” – Sigur Ros
  My favorite jibberish singing Icelandic rock band put out a great album that I am still trying to wrap my head around. In time I might consider it one of the best albums of 2008. This track is perhaps their poppiest song yet, and it is awesome.
  
  
• “Soul on Fire” – Spiritualized
  I love this song. I love plugging in my guitar and trying to play along. It has a very rich and full sound that I love.
  
  
• "In the New Year” – The Walkmen
  The Walkmen are an interesting band. They’re undeniably talented, but I either listen to them a lot all at once or not very frequently at all. I need to give their latest album some more listens. This track has always stood out to me.
  
  
• “I Decided” – Solange
  Another mainstream dance song here. I have a weakness for anything catchy and danceable, I’ll admit it. I think I could probably trace it all back to “Lovefool” by the Cardigans. I’m not sure why I purchased that album when I did back in the day (and I do mean back in the day when I was a young ‘un and not anywhere near the menace I am now).
  
  
• “Strange Overtones” – David Byrne and Brian Eno
  These are two very famous musicians (Eno especially as a producer and Byrne as the frontman of the very influential Talking Heads) who have often collaborated. I was surprised when I heard this on NPR at how much this song rocks. NPR has been good to me this year.
  
  
• “Best Supporting Actor” – One for the Team
  Another gem I heard on NPR. This is an excellent power-pop song with boy-girl vocals. There are a lot of great things going on in this track. I expect great things from this band in the future.

Best Concerts Attended in 2008:

• Radiohead, The National, Okkervil River, and many others; August 1-3 at Lollapalooza in Chicago, Illinois.
  This was everything you’d expect a three-day festival in the summer sun to be. With 100,000 people nearby and incredible fatigue at the end of each day, Lollapalooza was a daunting but fulfilling experience. I got to see some of my favorite bands, and my life goal of seeing Radiohead live in concert was finally realized. It was definitely worth the effort and expense.
  
  
• Cut Copy and Black Kids; May 2 at the Urban Lounge in Salt Lake City, Utah.
  I got really into Cut Copy this year. Their music is catchy and danceable, and I had a blast at their show. Nothing like losing yourself in a crowd of strangers, everyone dancing and jumping and running into one another.
  
  
• Andrew Bird; July 17 at the Gallivan Center in Salt Lake City, Utah.
  Now Andrew Bird is a talented musician. I never realized how good he is until I saw him live. He’s a classically trained violinist who uses a violin and guitar equally during his show. He uses pedals to lay down loops, plays guitar or violin, and then sings or whistles on top of that. He played a great set – a free show no less. Thank you Gallivan Twilight Concert series. And thank you in advance, Andrew Bird, for your upcoming show in SLC.
  
  
• Broken Social Scene and The Big Sleep; August 21 at the Gallivan Center in Salt Lake City, Utah.
  This was another free show I caught this summer. Broken Social Scene is a huge band from Canada, and I was very excited to see them again. I first saw them at Lollapalooza, and they blew my mind. I was never a big fan until I saw them live. Their show in SLC was pretty good, just not as spectacular as their set at Lollapalooza. Lots of guitars make me happy.
  
  
• Explosions in the Sky; March 24 at In the Venue in Salt Lake City, Utah.
  I never thought I’d see this band play in Salt Lake, and I never dreamed that there’d be a long line outside the concert venue. I was pretty astounded that so many people showed up to listen to an instrumental rock band. Granted, they flat out rock, but it’s just not the type of music that would seem to appeal to the trendy hipsters in Salt Lake. I was very content with this show. I enjoyed their set at the Coachella music festival in 2007 more, but any chance to see them is welcome.

Well, there we have it. My lists are complete (for the time being). This post ought to be enough for everyone to read while I'm partying and rocking out all weekend.

A good start to a great weekend.

This has been a long week. Lots of work, not enough sleep, some unnecessary stress, and plenty of good times as well. Tonight the intramural basketball team I am on, the Bricks, had its first game of the season. We played alright considering it was the first time a lot of us had played together in a real game situation. We worked out some kinks, got a good rotation going, and stuck it to the other team. After starting slow, we managed to tie things up at half, 15-15. Then we unleashed the beast in the second half. We held the other team to just 10 points while we put up 29. It was a lot of fun. According to Jake, our statistician, I ended up with 13 points. I should have had more, but there will be another time. I did hit a three near the end of the game that was the final nail in the coffin. It felt fantastic.

After the game we went to IHOP and enjoyed all-you-can-eat pancakes. I only had five, but that was plenty. Now I'm stuffed and ready to sleep. Tomorrow I will venture south to Cedar City to spend time with my homeboy Justin and other awesome people as we rock out on Rock Band all weekend long. It's gonna be great.

I hope everyone has a great weekend and a happy MLK Day when it comes around on Monday. I'll be back on this internet thing soon enough.

So close yet so far away.

I nearly finished my Best of 2008 lists today, but the most difficult ones remain. I got a good deal finished and then I watched New York Doll with my friend Jessie and her roommate Jen (love that movie) and then three episodes of Arrested Development with my homeboys. I could stay up late and finish the lists, but I don't want to. I'll do my best to get them up tomorrow night before my basketball game - and before I shave my beloved beard. My heart breaks a little every time I say goodbye.

Goodbye, dear beard. Til we meet again...in a few months.

Why am I still awake?

So I was playing Rock Band tonight, and I was totally rocking the drums. I was probably hitting the pads with too much force, but all I wanted to really do was play a real drum set and smack them with gusto aplenty. It was sweet. We'd been playing for some time, and usually when I drum for a long time I tend to get tired and lose the beat. Tonight, after taking a break to play bass, I got back on the drums and got my second wind. I was feeling it, and that translated into some sweet rocking out.

I think Rock Band can play an important part in a twenty-something's life. For me, it's letting me live out my adolescent (and adult) dreams of being a rock star. Sure I'm just smacking these pads with drum sticks in my friends' front room, but it feels like I'm really rocking out. Maybe I am. My attitude is definitely rocking, and I tend to think that our attitude determines our reality.

Anyway, it was a good night for Rock Band and then a couple episodes of Arrested Development. Now I'm up too late and not looking forward to work in the morning. It's gonna be a long day.

A few thoughts, nothing significant.

I'm blogging again. I don't have much to say, but I set some goals for myself last week, and one of them was to do more writing. That entails much more than just blogging, but there's no harm in updating this more frequently as well.

I don't have much to write about tonight. I had an interesting day. I slept very poorly, was too tired to be any good at work, went home and took a nap, went to FHE, and then played basketball with my boys for an hour and a half. I've been pleasantly surprised with my play lately; I thought it would take longer to get my shot to drop, but that hasn't really been the case. I'm looking forward to our intramural game Friday night at 10 p.m. Anyone interested in attending is more than welcome to. We like fans.

I got an email from my favorite band, The Wrens, tonight. Not a personal email, though that would be amazing. The Wrens make amazing music, but they don't do it frequently enough. It's been nearly six years since their last album was released. Before that it was another six or seven years between albums. In the email I received, the band said they will be entering the recording studio in one week to begin work on their next album. This made me extremely happy. I love this band so much that Justin and I once took off on a crazy road trip to see the Wrens play in Seattle in the middle of December, right after the winter semester ended. We drove to Seattle, watched the concert, slept for a few hours in a rest area outside of Seattle, and then drove back to Utah. It was a crazy trip that I wouldn't have traded for anything in the world. The Wrens were amazing. The guys in the band are now in their forties, but they rocked harder than all of the younger musicians who played before them. They had so much fun playing; you could tell they were grateful for their fans, and everyone their experienced a special connection between the band and the fans. For me, that's the greatness of live music when a band and the fans can connect in such a way that the fans become a part of the creative process. Justin and I were singing along and rocking out as much as possible. My vocal cords were thrashed after the show, but it was well worth it. Now, knowing the band is going to be recording very soon and hopefully releasing an album sometime this year, I have something to look forward to with eager anticipation.

I find myself in an interesting position in life. I feel/hope that I could be on the verge of a very good year. I have established some high goals for myself, and I hope to be disciplined enough to reach them - though some will likely require a little luck/outside assistance. I just need to do my best. I'm ready for and optimistic that good things will happen. But more than anything, I think I'm ready to make good things happen. Let's hope so, anyway.

Well, that's all I've got for now - for this blog anyway. There is some other writing I must get to work on. Tchau!

The Melancholic Effect of Benjamin Button's Life on my Own

Two posts in one day? Weird, I know. Sometimes I go two weeks without posting, and then I post twice in one day. There's just no understanding me, I suppose. Stay tuned this week for my Best of 2008 lists - hopefully I will complete them soon.

It's been ten days or so since I watched David Fincher's recently released film The Curious Case of Benjamin Button For those who don't know, the film is about a man who is born physically old, yet has an infant mentality. As Benjamin grows older chronologically and mentally, his body ages backwards. Benjamin falls in love with Daisy, and the film focuses on their relationship throughout the years of their very different lives. The film, loosely adapted from the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story of the same name, is very good and has some remarkable things working in its favor. The film is beautifully shot, and the technology used to make Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett look younger and older than their current selves is stunning. I can see why the film needed such a large budget for the effects, and it is, in my opinion, the front runner for the visual effects and possibly makeup Oscars.

I will now proceed to discuss some of the thematic elements of the film. I will try to not include any spoilers, but if you are planning on seeing the film and want to do so without any of my ideas influencing your viewing experience, then I suggest you do not read the next three paragraphs.

BEGIN SPOILER ALERT!

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button left me with a terrible melancholy. It seriously bummed me out for the rest of the day, and I still can't think about the film without a faint reminder of that melancholy. That melancholy doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy the film or that I wasn't moved by it; if anything, it shows just how strongly it moved me. It's emotional effect was to make me sad. Benjamin and Daisy's relationship reminds me, in a way, of Romeo and Juliet. They are definitely star-crossed lovers, and their relationship is fated for tragedy. Everything I have seen in life tells me that one of the greatest joys and possibly the primary consolation in the face of old age is the opportunity to age beside someone you love, to see your lives continually grow together until you are one united entity. Due to the unusual circumstances of his birth, Benjamin knows that he will never enjoy that consolation. When he and Daisy finally come together and meet in the middle, as they say, they enjoy tremendous happiness that cannot, unfortunately, last forever. Benjamin knows what will happen as he continues to get younger and Daisy gets older, and the realization that he will end up an infant totally dependent on someone else drives him away from his love. He will not have himself become a burden to Daisy or their daughter, and he abandons his family. At this point, the inevitable tragedy of their relationship was almost too much for me to take. Sure, it may have been somewhat manipulative filmmaking, but I wept as his daughter read all the postcards he sent as she was growing up. The expressions of pain and sorrow were too much for me. I couldn't imagine having to make such a decision. Talk about tragedy.

I came away from the film with the following as the overall theme: live life gratefully and with love, even in the face of inevitable loss and tragedy. That is what Benjamin and Daisy do; they love in the face of inevitable loss. I was grateful while watching the film that I believe in continued relationships after death, and having the faith that when I do find that kind of love I will not have to deal with that inevitable loss and separation. It left me extremely grateful because I doubt I could handle that pain and heartache as Benjamin.

Therein lies one of my biggest qualms with the film. It glosses over the final years of Benjamin's life as he becomes an adolescent, then a child, and then an infant. I wanted to know while he was still cognizant of his past just how he felt. This could have, of course, made the melancholy all the stronger and overpowering, but I wanted to get deeper into his thoughts and feelings. The film suffers by not exploring his psychology more, in my opinion. Still, it is a beautiful film. I'm not sure where I would put in the Best Films of 2008, but it will most likely be a Top 5 film. I think it could have been something more. Instead of leaving me melancholic, it could have gone deeper into the characters' psychology and been more cathartic in the process.

END SPOILER ALERT!

Justin and I discussed the film after we had both seen it. He and his wife both chose it as their favorite film of the year. I told him that it left me terribly melancholic, and he responded that it had a different effect on him. He said it made him extremely grateful for his wife and everyday that they have together. So instead of emphasizing the pain of Benjamin and Daisy's inevitable loss, the film helped them focus on what is truly important: their relationship. The film's theme that every day matters struck them both more strongly than it did me. I told Justin it was probably because the film helped me be even more acutely aware of my loneliness than I was before. I could empathize more with the loneliness of Benjamin and Daisy than I could the joy. Not that I am "terribly, terribly alone" (Michael Scott), but I do lack the higher level of companionship one finds in a romantic relationship. I am plenty aware of this as it is - I don't really need a film to emphasize that for me. It's very likely that the film's melancholic effect was at least partially due to my bachelorhood, but regardless of one's relationship status, I think the film is still very tragic.

Melancholy is an interesting emotion. Sometimes it strikes me pretty forcefully. I think it's natural to seek a companion, and we feel incomplete without that higher companionship. We all seek it at some point in our lives, and for all of my seeking, there have been a lot of squandered opportunities. I frequently fail to step outside my comfort zone, to overcome my natural timidity. It can be quite frustrating to be pretty outgoing with people I know well and then struggle to engage people I don't know very well in interesting conversation. This is my great Catch-22: I only really connect with people through meaningful conversation, yet I struggle to even initiate basic conversation with unfamiliar people, even someone I might be "interested" in. It bothers me to no end, and I am constantly resolving to overcome it. For the time being, the struggle continues.

I've noticed that melancholy has another interesting effect on me: I only seem capable of writing poetry when under the influence of melancholy. I've yet to really be pleased with any happy poetry I've written. When I am feeling my normal sense of contentment and well-being or when my happiness is above-average, I just don't feel the need to be poetic. I can and do write other stuff, just not poetry. Maybe this will change sometime in the future. I guess I'll share some of my melancholic poetry, just for the heck of it. These poems were written as much as a couple years ago to less than one year ago. They were usually motivated out of some specific experience or failed opportunity, but that is all I will reveal about the autobiography behind these poems. They are short so don't be afraid you'll have to read a Homeric epic or something. I've yet to give them real titles, other than a letter and a number, a sort of code that unmistakably identifies these poems in my autobiography, but I will merely number them as I randomly arrange the poems. Enjoy, or don't.

1
I only have eyelids for you,
the beautiful nothing that I yearn to view;
but the light always returns,
a prodigal sun, and with it love burns.
A smoking wisp of life now gone;
rest in peace, my dear, for I loved you 'til dawn.

2 (here comes a haiku!)
I've been here before
empty opportunities
slip through my fingers

3
a stray hair hung over your face
and I wanted to push it away
but you did it yourself
before I even had a chance

4
In my dream you rested
your head on my shoulder.
I awoke colder
(and older)
and realized you were only
in my head as I lay in bed,
dreaming with open eyes
my dream of lies.

5 (another haiku)
Strokes of pen and brush
are not worthy to describe
your beautiful face.

6
you inspire me to write
tepid high school poetry -
aren't you the lucky one?

7
An eternity of poetry won't change a thing.
With this limbo of words and phrases
I pen my purgatory.

At least my melancholy is short winded, right? Right? In the immortal words of Gob Bluth, "Come on!"

Young @ Heart

I watched a magnificent documentary last night called Young @ Heart. It came highly recommended from my main man, Justin, as well as the many positive reviews I had come across on the internet. For those who don't know the premise of the film, there is a chorus composed of retirees in Massachusetts called the Young @ Heart chorus. Their ages range from the seventies up into the nineties, with the oldest member at a sprite 93 years old. The chorus performs classic and contemporary rock and pop songs, not the standard fare for any chorus. Songs like Jimi Hendrix's "Purple Haze," The Ramones' "I Wanna Be Sedated," and Sonic Youth's "Schizophrenia" are just a few examples of the songs performed by the chorus. The group was performing in London when British documentarian Stephen Walker saw them, and after that performance he decided to go to Massachusetts and film the group preparing for their newest show in early 2007. He filmed the group's rehearsals and also interviewed many of the members and included their stories with the narrative.

As far as documentaries go, this film was incredibly engaging and entertaining. The chorus members are all remarkable human beings, and I, as well as everyone watching the film with me, was immediately drawn to their humor and positive attitudes. The film is incredibly humorous, primarily in the first hour, and watching it was a joyous experience. The chorus's love of life is absolutely infectious. The second half of the film becomes immediately poignant and, with absolutely no manipulation involved, tugs at your heart strings. I almost couldn't believe how emotionally attached I became to these people and their story. Little things like the way one of them laughed, or the 93 year old Eileen flirting with the director, or the way some of them courageously battle health ailments make you love these people. I experienced so many vivid emotions while watching the film, and the film ends on a very powerful note. I know that I was not the only one in the room moved by this amazing film, and I was glad to have shared that moment with others.

Young @ Heart does everything I think a great work of art should. It creates connections between the viewers and the work's subject, connections that are intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. The work promotes increased understanding of others, their view points, personalities, life experiences, and the essence of their being. Viewers should feel their understanding has expanded to include the subject of the work of art, and they should feel a sort of rebirth, like they have changed and can no longer remain the way they were. Lastly, a great work of art will create true and genuine empathy, what some might call charity or love. I firmly believe that genuine empathy or charity is the greatest quality that human beings may aspire to. It is the quality which brings out the best in who we are, and when we are full of that empathy, we see others for who they really are and treat them as they deserve to be treated. Young @ Heart did all of this for me. It taught me, entertained me, and moved me to feel genuine empathy, and I can no longer be the individual I was just twenty-four hours ago. I'd like to hope that I am a better person because of this film.

I highly recommend this film to absolutely everyone reading this.

The Book Club - strike two?

Sometimes I sit down at my computer with the idea of writing something for this blog. Then, when I load the "create post" window, all the different ideas in my head swirl together, uniting to form one giant mass of thoughts, phrases, subjects, and feelings too large to be comprehended, too unmovable to trickle down from my brain to my fingertips and out onto my keyboard and into cyberspace. Earlier today I sat down to write, but only now, after a mild nap, am I able to pull apart that mass of ideas, isolate a single one, and turn it into a blog post.

Last summer I attempted to organize a book club. By all possible external measures, I wasn't very successful. Out of the approximately fifteen people that committed in some degree to participate, only a handful of people actually read the books and met to discuss them. Though numerical success eluded The Book Club, I still managed to feel that the venture was successful, the whole quality over quantity thing. I really enjoyed the books we read (The Storyteller's Daughter by Saira Shah and The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. Both books had a profound impact on me and discussing them was pleasurable and informative. I'm grateful for those who took the time to read the books and participate in the discussion, and I hope that they were able to take as much from the experience as I was.

I bring this up because I want to try again this summer. I know that numerical success is just as likely to elude me this year as it did last year, but that is not discouraging me from trying again. As a post-college working man, I have plenty of time to take charge of the venture and make it happen. By getting word out much earlier this time, the club's reading options will expand tremendously, reservations could soon be placed with libraries, and the whole thing could be ready months before the club would actually convene.

I hereby extend an invitation to anyone who will be in the Provo area this upcoming summer (late-April to September 2009) to join The Book Club. I will go ahead and begin assembling a list of the books that will be immediately available after BYU's winter semester ends, and interested parties will be contacted with the options and allowed to indicate which books they are interested in reading that summer. I'll take care of the more administrative tasks, but if anyone is interested in reading and discussing thought-provoking literature, you are more than welcome to join The Book Club.

If you've never been in a book club and are apprehensive of what goes down, know that I, too, am quite new to this. We weren't very formal at all. Really all that is required is to be willing to read a book and engage in conversation about it. That's it. Hit me with a comment if you're interested.

I thought I'd close with eleven quotes about literature and reading that I found last year as I was unemployed, searching for a job and setting up The Book Club. Let these remind you of the power of reading and why, if you have any inkling of desire to join The Book Club, you should.

“Writing and reading is to me synonymous with existing.” - Gertrude Stein

“Reading is not a duty, and has consequently no business to be made disagreeable.” - Augustine Birrell

“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.” - Joseph Brodsky

“It is not in vain that man speaks to man. This is the value of literature.” - Henry David Thoreau

“We read to know we are not alone.” - C.S. Lewis

“Every reader finds himself. The writer's work is merely a kind of optical instrument that makes it possible for the reader to discern what, without this book, he would perhaps never have seen in himself.” - Marcel Proust

“A great book should leave you with many experiences and slightly exhausted at the end. You should live several lives while reading it.” - William Styron

“Fiction reveals truth that reality obscures.” - Jessamyn West

“In a real sense, people who have read good literature have lived more than people who cannot or will not read. It is not true that we have only one life to live; if we can read, we can live as many more lives and as many kinds of lives as we wish.” - S.I. Hayakawa

“In the case of good books, the point is not how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.” - Mortimer J. Adler

“Properly, we should read for power. Man reading should be man intensely alive. The book should be a ball of light in one's hand.” - Ezra Pound

Let the second life of The Book Club commence, however short lived and tragic it might be.

My belated post welcoming 2009.

Welcome 2009! You've been here for more than two days already, but I think it's still appropriate to extend a welcoming hand in your direction. Make yourself comfortable; you're gonna be here awhile.

2008 was a pretty good year. As for life-changing events, there wasn't much. Other than graduating college and my sister getting married, nothing too major went down in my life. I had a good summer, got a good job with an excellent company, successfully expanded my social sphere somewhat, enjoyed the ups and downs of another BYU football season, and continued doing the things I always do. I read good books, watched good movies, and listened to good music. I saw some awesome concerts (Lollapalooza) and did some very fun and spontaneous things (late-night slurpee-fueled Hobble Creek Canyon dance parties). 2008 likely won't occupy many pages when I write my autobiography, but it will be a year that I can look back at with contentment and satisfaction.

But 2009 is here now, and I, like most everyone else, am intrigued by the possibilities of this new year. I would like to believe that I can achieve everything I've failed to achieve in years past, but that isn't too realistic, is it? Sure, I'd love to become a published author making money off my words. Maybe I'll finally finish the novel I've neglected for so long. Maybe I'll get over my cursed timidity and do what it takes to overcome my menacehood.

As much as I would love to accomplish all that and make my dreams my reality, I'm not naive enough to believe it won't require a herculean effort on my part. 2009 could be my best year, but it will require my best effort along with some luck. I hope to be diligent and disciplined enough to focus on what's most important, to prioritize my time and efforts to facilitate maximum personal growth and development.

I read an essay in 2008 (and reread it on New Year's Day) called "New Year's Eve." It was written in 1820 by the famous English essayist Charles Lamb. There are a couple passages that I love and re-read frequently. I felt it would be appropriate to share them because they reflect many of my own feelings and sentiments regarding this time of year and, even more so, life and mortality .

I am not content to pass away "like the weaver's shuttle." Those metaphors solace me not, nor sweeten the unpalatable draught of mortality. I care not to be carried with the tide, that smoothly bears human life to eternity; and reluct at the inevitable course of destiny. I am in love with this green earth; the face of town and country; the unspeakable rural solitudes, and the sweet security of streets. I would set up my tabernacle here. I am content to stand still at the age to which I am arrived; I, and my friends: to be no younger, no richer, no handsomer. I do not want to be weaned by age; or drop, like mellow fruit, as they say, into the grave.

Sun, and sky, and breeze, and solitary walks, and summer holidays, and the greenness of fields, and the delicious juices of meats and fishes, and society, and the cheerful glass, and candle-light, and the fire-side conversations, and innocent vanities, and jests, and irony itself - do these things go out with life?

Every dead man must take upon himself to be lecturing me with his odious truism, that "such as he now is, I must shortly be." Not so shortly, friend, perhaps, as thou imaginest. In the meantime I am alive. I move about. I am worth twenty of thee. Know thy betters! Thy New Years' Days are past. I survive, a jolly candidate for 1821.

More than anything, I suppose, I ought to be grateful to be alive, in good health, with potential and optimism for what I can accomplish in the next year. I've got another day, week, month, year to become a better human being, to treat others with more kindness, to go out of my way to serve and love those around me, to strengthen and lift the suffering and weary as they strengthen and lift me in my trials and difficulties. Isn't that what really matters? More than what we do in our lives, it's how we do it. At least that's what I have come to believe, and that's what I resolve to do in 2009: become a better person. If 2010 rolls around and I can look back at 2009 and know that I became a better person, it will have been a very good year. Everything else I might accomplish will be nice and all, but it will be secondary to the type of person I make of myself in the next 363 days.

Friends and family, I wish you a very happy New Year and the energy and ability to accomplish all that you need to in 2009.