Temperaments like the temperature?

Results of a good weekend:

• won my intramural soccer game 1-0 on Friday night
• went camping Friday night after my soccer game and had fun, despite the cold and snow
• watched the BYU football team defeat New Mexico 21-3, despite their continued disappointing play at times and the cold weather
• went to a final shin-dig for Alison, a good friend about to enter the MTC next week, won a game of mafia as a detective, and enjoyed conversing with friends and new acquaintances

Yeah, a pretty good weekend, about as productive as any other. Yet while I could be still doing something, in the least watching a movie with people, I feel a need to blog, to write, to get something out in the open. I'm not sure what it is; there seems to be so much I could write about, so much I need to write about, and I'm pretty sure that the desire to write didn't come so I could write about the desire to write.

I've been, to put it bluntly, terrible at writing lately. I've wanted to think that I haven't had time because I have truthfully been more social, but since I'm being honest, I have to admit that time spent writing would be at least as productive as some of the socializing I've been doing. I need to write so that nagging voice in my head will stop. Don't get me started on my lack of serious writing as well. That's another blog post for the future.

So what prompted me to write tonight, besides the urgent feeling that I should write, was a sudden change in temperament, mood, perspective, or whatever that just happened to me in the waning hours of the day. After all the fun and awesome things that happened this weekend, I'm feeling kind of down and disappointed. Of course, I could just be really tired since I didn't get nearly enough sleep this last week.

I've written previously (I'm not going to track down the exact blog post) about how quickly melancholy can strike, but it's true. I'm usually a fairly level-headed person, but sometimes my temperament rises or falls like the temperature. Maybe the snow falling much too early has upset my psyche something fierce. (Please, no Christmas music yet! We shouldn't disrespect Halloween and Thanksgiving that way).

When I'm in a funk like this, I always wish life were a little more simple, that some of the more pressing concerns I have would magically resolve themselves. Of course, they never do - they can't! These issues have to be resolved through tremendous personal effort, and I've never doubted that cold fact. I just wish, for my immediate, selfish sake, that these magic resolutions really did exist. I'd know exactly what to do with my future, the person I should romantically pursue, and how to best leave a positive and lasting impression on the world. Why must it be so hard to figure these things out on our own? I'd even be happy with two out of three magic resolutions, or even just one. One would be more than enough for me right now.

Those resolutions do exist - somewhere - but they aren't magic; I have to find them and implement them into my own life. There will be no deus ex machina when it comes to these ultra-important issues in my life. I guess I really just wish that I could find some certainty when all my attempts to do so merely generate more questions and concerns.

Well, with no moral or happy ending to impart, I think I'll end this post. Writing it was good for me; reading it, however, will likely be less beneficial for any who should happen upon this post, and for that I apologize.

Post-script: vote in the poll for the subject of my next post!