2:00 a.m.

It's hard to let go of these ghosts.

The ghosts of the living haunt me and never more so than these late nights when I wonder why things are the way they are and why I feel so powerless to change them.

I chide myself for thinking that maybe today of all days would bring something different.  My brain knew better.  How foolish I feel for allowing myself to hope.  And yet, there's the bittersweet pleasure of being right in the end.  Always right but praying to be proven wrong.

How much longer, ghosts, will you haunt me?  How much longer will your presence fill me with regret and sorrow?  Will you ever recede fully from my thoughts as I must have from yours some time ago?

We are bound together in some unholy one-sided union that I call torture, my own personal hell.

Others call it friendship.

"It's Real" - Real Estate

This is my current song of the whatever: "It's Real" by Real Estate.  Great tune from a great new album.

Light Bulb

Why do good ideas only seem to come to me late at night when I should be sleeping? Not that I'm unhappy the ideas come to me, but sometimes I wish creativity would conform to a convenient schedule. I am, after all, a working man. That being said, tonight's idea was a pretty good one.

As I've often stated in the past, I really need to blog more. I'm going to do better! I promise! But first, I need sleep.

"What good is it to sing helplessness blues?"

For no apparent reason last week, I decided to listen to Helplessness Blues, the recently released sophomore album by Fleet Foxes. I'd given it a couple listens when I first got the album a month ago, and I had more or less enjoyed it. I then purchased the vinyl when I heard the album played in a record store and found myself really enjoying it. But until last week, I really hadn't spent a lot of time with the album.

When I listed to the album again, it all felt so familiar, more than it should have with the limited time I had spent with it. Maybe it was the upturn in the weather that made the music resonate more with me. I don't know. It just clicked, and I've been listening to it heavily the past week. If you've never listened to Fleet Foxes, you are missing out. They play an Americana, folky type of indie rock -- I hesitate to call them rock; it just feels completely off. What really sets the band apart is Robin Pecknold's vocals and the soaring harmonies that accompany his melodies. Really amazing, beautiful music.

I've had a couple "moments" -- for lack of a better term -- with their music this past week. They've taken place while driving home from work, when I can just let the music wash over me and help me relax and put work behind me for a few hours. These moments occurred as I focused on the lyrics and really listened to what the songs were about. What resulted were powerful connections to the songs ("Helplessness Blues" and "Someone You'd Admire") that may not have drastically changed my worldview or brought about some miraculous transformation, but rather left me different, a little happier, a little more resolute to achieve what I need to achieve.

I highly recommend checking out this band and both of their albums. I've included links to these songs on Youtube.

Helplessness Blues

Someone You'd Admire

Monthly Mix: May 2011

May was an interesting month for me. It began similar to April, i.e. with me listening to pretty much just Sharon Van Etten. Whereas in April I was all about her latest album Epic for its more expansive scope in instrumentation and dynamics, I found myself listening to her debut album, Because I Was In Love, much more this month, for the very reasons I had initially put it off (sparse instrumentation, mostly just acoustic guitar and her vocals). I have to say this about Sharon Van Etten: I could listen to her sing all day. I'm conflicted because I am grateful that her music exists, but I can hardly fathom that someone would break her heart or cause her any of the emotional pain that is present in her songs. I listen to her and think to myself, "I would never do anything to hurt this woman." I realize she's just a normal human being, a very kind and humble one at that, who experiences normal human emotions, same as everyone else, but as a listener you marvel that anyone would treat her like some normal human being and not a musical goddess. So, person who treated her like a normal human being, thanks for inspiring her to create sublime music, but how could you hurt her?! How do you live with yourself? I wonder what life is like knowing that your break-up with someone lead them to create amazing music. Do you feel deserving of a little credit? I'll probably never know. I use three of her songs in this mix: one to kick things off, one in the middle, and one to close the mix.

Back to May. Things changed pretty drastically during the last week and a half of the month. I acquired some new albums and made a conscious effort to listen to them. (Too often I don't spend enough time with new music and it falls between the cracks and gets ignored). Two of these albums dominate my May mix, making up 9 of the 15 tracks. Smother, the third album from UK art-rock band Wild Beasts, could be considered my album of the month. Their track, "Bed of Nails", is easily my song of the month. I must have listened to it at least 40 times last week alone. Wild Beasts was one of those bands where I liked everything I had heard from them but never felt a desire to really dig in to their albums. Everything fell into place when I listened to Smother. I recognize that their style may put off some listeners, but I hope people will enjoy the songs I selected. Give them a few extra listens if you're not immediately a fan. It's impossible to escape Wild Beasts in this mix.

The other album that dominated the end of the month is Hooray for Earth's True Loves. I read some strong praise online for the album and decided I needed to give it a spin. I'm glad I did. I suppose I'd classify them as synth-pop, as they mostly use layers of synthesizers, drums, bass, and a few guitar parts here and there in each song, but I think that classification doesn't convey how good they are. Their music is dense and massive. It's not cold and sterile like a lot of music with strong electronic elements. Maybe that's because of the hooks, but I would urge you to not dismiss it offhand because of my description. "Sails" is my favorite track, but the whole album has grown on me a lot.

Enough rambling, right? Here's my May 2011 mix.

• Sharon Van Etten - "For You."
• Wild Beasts - "All the King's Men."
• Hooray for Earth - "Last Minute."
• Cults - "Abducted."
• Wild Beasts - "Bed of Nails."
• Hooray for Earth - "Realize It's Not the Sun."
• Wild Beasts - "Loop the Loop."
• Sharon Van Etten - "Have You Seen."
• Wild Beasts - "Hooting & Howling."
• Antlers - "Parentheses."
• Wild Beasts - "Lion's Share."
• Metric - "Hustle Rose."
• Wild Beasts - "We Still Got The Taste Dancing On Our Tongues."
• Hooray for Earth - "Sails."
• Sharon Van Etten - "Keep."

Just a public service announcement.

Music never sounds better than through a pair of high-quality headphones. It always amazes me just how big of a difference a quality set of headphones can make.

That's all.

Monthly Mix: April 2011

Stacey told me that I should make a mix each month to document what songs I've been listening to most, and I immediately accepted her idea. Each month I'll throw together a mix without much fanfare and post the tracklist and a link on this here blog.

April was a good month for music. I found myself, for whatever reason, listening to a lot of female artists or bands with female vocals, the foremost of these being Sharon Van Etten. I saw three very, very good concerts during the month (Wye Oak at Kilby Court, Sharon Van Etten and Little Scream at The State Room, and The Arcade Fire and Local Natives at the UCCU Center), and I discovered a handful of new artists that I immediately liked and listened to extensively. Anyway, click here for the April 2011 mix.

1. Little Scream - "Cannons"
2. TV on the Radio - "Second Song"
3. tUnE-yArDs - "Gangsta"
4. Local Natives - "World News"
5. Wye Oak - "Holy Holy"
6. Sharon Van Etten - "Don't Do It"
7. TV on the Radio - "Repetition"
8. tUnE-yArDs - "Bizness"
9. Local Natives - "Sun Hands"
10. Wye Oak - "Hot as Day"
11. Adele - "Rolling in the Deep"
12. The National w/Sharon Van Etten - "Think You Can Wait"
13. Little Scream - "The Heron and the Fox"
14. Sharon Van Etten - "Love More"

131 Days Late: My Top 10 Albums of 2010

I started a post back in January, and it was going to be lengthy and awesome and very descriptive. But...I never finished it, and it's unlikely that I will ever finish it so I decided to just post the abridged version of my top 10 albums of 2010. For those who care, here it is in no particular order:

Top 10 Albums of 2010:

1. Liars - Sisterworld. Brief description: unique sounds from a very unique band, not for the musically unadventurous. Favorite cuts: "Scissor", "No Barrier Fun", "Scarecrows on a Killer Slant", "The Overachievers", "Goodnight Everything."

2. The National - High Violet. Brief description: most anticipated album of the year and did not disappoint. Favorite cuts: "England", "Afraid of Everyone", "Anyone's Ghost", "Little Faith", "Conversation 16."

3. Joanna Newsom - Have One On Me. Brief description: one of the most unique artists (plays harp, sings like a renaissance minstrel/forest sprite) puts out a massive triple album of gorgeous music. Favorite cuts: "Good Intentions Paving Company", "Easy", "Does Not Suffice", "Soft as Chalk."

4. Menomena - Mines. Brief description: complicated and intricate indie rock that seems effortless. Favorite cuts: "Oh Pretty Boy, You're Such a Big Boy", "Intil", "Taos", "Bote."

5. Black Mountain - Wilderness Heart. Brief description: perfect mixture of classic and psychedelic rock creates a timeless rock and roll experience. Favorite cuts: "The Hair Song", "Old Fangs", "Wilderness Heart", "Roller Coaster."

6. Buke and Gass - Riposte. Brief description: man and woman duo playing hybrid instruments and making extremely unique and thoroughly awesome music. Favorite cuts: "Medulla Oblongata", "Medicina", "Sleep Gets Your Ghost", "Red Hood Came Home."

7. Screaming Females - Castle Talk. Brief description: tiny female wails on guitar (she seriously shreds and is only like 5 feet tall) and belts out awesome vocals. Favorite cuts: "Normal", "A New Kid", "I Don't Mind It", "Ghost Solo."

8. Gorillaz - Plastic Beach. Brief description: Gorillaz doing what Gorillaz do best. Favorite cuts: "Rhinestone Eyes", "Empire Ants", "On Melancholy Hill", "Glitter Freeze."

9. Autolux - Transit Transit. Brief description: long awaited follow-up takes band in a different but outstanding direction. Favorite cuts: "Census", "Supertoys", "Audience No. 2", "The Science of Imaginary Solutions".

10. Janelle Monae - The ArchAndroid. Brief description: Monae pulls off an astounding number of styles with her astonishing vocal range and endless ambition. Favorite cuts: "Oh, Maker", "Cold War", "Tightrope", "57821."

There you go. That's about as concise as I get.

Words from the past.

I wrote the following at least six years ago, but it feels especially pertinent at this moment.

I imagine you think of me every now and again. Maybe something catches your eye and makes you remember something I once said or did. Maybe a little bit of me rubbed off on you like that fine layer of dust you find covering the television screen -- you never really notice it until you take a good long look at it.

"I wonder what she wished for. I just wished for you."

I honesty intend to start blogging with more regularity. I miss the Golden Age of Blogging, which seemed to be 2008 for my peer group. I miss having interesting things written by interesting friends to read at various times of day. If you have a blog and are reading this, know that I am supportive of any and all efforts to blog.

In other news, it's looking like it's going to be a very good spring for concerts. I already have tickets to see Arcade Fire, Mogwai, and Janelle Monae within the next two months. Then there are a bunch of other shows I want to see as well. This weekend I am hoping to attend two shows: Wye Oak on Friday and Sharon Van Etten/Little Scream on Saturday. I'm especially looking forward to Saturday's show and have been listening to Sharon Van Etten and Little Scream a lot this week. Little Scream's "The Heron and the Fox" has become my song of the week. Normally I'm not a huge fan of folksy music, but both these artists don't make typical girl-with-acoustic-guitar music.

Here's a live performance of "The Heron and the Fox" by Little Scream, filmed inside a station wagon. Enjoy!

Little Scream: "The Heron and The Fox" (live) from Secretly Jag on Vimeo.

My Two Minutes of Fame.

Check out this link. The very first comment in the blog was written by yours truly. I don't know that my writing career will ever surpass this.

Sadly, I'm not joking.

JIMMER!!!!

JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(This was me at the BYU-SDSU game every time Jimmer did something amazing).

Scanning Memory Lane

I spend a good portion of my day off scanning old family photos, and it was really quite the worthwhile experience. Here are a few pictures that make me smile and/or laugh.

This was Janessa's first birthday/Easter celebration in 1987. Though I was but three years old, the love of sports was already growing inside me, even if it was misguidedly directed towards baseball.

That's me on the far left, rocking the awesome red outfit and knee-length socks at the Dinosaur Gardens in Vernal. Also, note my brother Michael's awesome short shorts.

Preschool graduation day with my buddy/little sister, Janessa.

This picture forces me to ask myself, "Where has my hard edge gone?"

This picture was taken at a kindergarten program. I don't remember what the program was about or what I was saying, but I am a fan of my threads and my firm two-handed grip of the mic.

Seeing this picture made me very happy. To be honest, I didn't even remember it, though I'm sure I have seen it many times in the family photo albums. The reason I was so happy to see it is that I believe it is the earliest picture, at least in my family's possession, of me (far right) and Justin Betts (center). A lot of the photos I scanned were taken at birthday parties with friends that I have lost contact with over the years, but to find a picture from way back with the friend that has most helped me to understand the true value of friendship was a definite highlight of my day/week/year so far.